How to Lead Meetings That Boost Your Team’s Energy and Creativity
Expert-backed tips to help you run meetings efficiently and mindfully.
Meetings are an important part of any team’s communication, but if we’re not mindful about how our time is spent in those meetings, we could be holding our team members back from working efficiently and unlocking their full potential. There’s even research to back this up: In one survey by researchers at Harvard Business School and Boston University, 71 percent of senior managers said most meetings are unproductive and inefficient. And for virtual meetings, fatigue sets in after about 30 minutes, according to research by Microsoft’s Human Factors Labs
“For a lot of people, spending all day in meetings can be really draining,” Liane Davey, Ph.D., organizational psychologist and author of The Good Fight, tells Thrive. “By incorporating a few exercises to humazine the people we’re meeting with, we can change that.” Davey says spending time in meetings is inevitable, but if we’re more mindful about how we’re spending that time, we can lead meetings that actually boost our teams’ energy and creativity, instead of detracting from it.
Here are a few tips to help you lead meetings that are both efficient and energy-boosting:
Start every meeting with a meaningful question
To give everyone a boost of creativity and energy, try starting your meetings with a question that allows attendees to share how they’re showing up that day. “Particularly with hybrid teams or virtual meetings, we are missing contextual information about our colleagues –– and when we don't have information about where they're at, how they're feeling, what's going on around them, we tend to become judgmental about them,” Davey explains. “To start the meeting on the right note, start with some kind of an exercise to help you kind of check in with one another.” You could go around and ask what someone’s struggling with that day, where they’re dialing in from, or even one thing they’re excited about. “These kinds of exercises just give us a way, especially when we're remote or hybrid, to just humanize people,” Davey adds. “It establishes trust, and that can set the tone for your whole team.”
Don’t be afraid to schedule a short meeting
Many of us have fallen into the pattern of scheduling 30-minute or hour-long meetings, but many conversations can be had in just 15 or 20 minutes. “Long, back-to-back meetings are a huge waste of human capital,” Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of Learning to Plan and Be Organized, tells Thrive. If you know there are only one or two agenda items that need to be discussed, schedule a shorter meeting. You’ll end up being more efficient with your time when you don’t feel the need to fill the additional space with small talk.
Be mindful of who you’re inviting
Leading a meeting that feels energizing and productive often comes down to who is in the meeting – and Davey says that starts with who you’re including on the invitation. “Ask yourself who will add unique value to this particular conversation –– and if they’re at the right level for the meeting,” she suggests. “Is there a person on the invite who's too senior for where you're at in the conversation? Or is it the opposite, where you’ve invited somebody who isn't empowered to make a certain call?” In that case, it may be worth not having the meeting until the right people can attend. The idea is to include people who are adding value to the conversation you want to have, and being mindful not to include people whose time may be better served elsewhere.
Send out an agenda beforehand
If you’re asking for people’s time, it’s important to show them the respect of thinking through your objectives beforehand. “Meetings should have a clear and short agenda with people weighing in via email in advance,” Nadeau says. “That way, everyone has had time to think about others’ ideas and suggestions beforehand.” And if you can’t come up with any objectives beforehand, don’t be afraid to cancel! Some topics can be handled over email, and that’s okay.
Toward the end of the meeting, lay out concrete next steps
Ending your meeting with what needs to happen next will make everyone feel more confident and comfortable about moving onto their next task of the day. Davey suggests asking, “What came up today that needs to go on a future agenda?” and “Is there anything we didn’t address today that we should revisit at the next meeting?” By ending the meeting with a few questions, you can help your team look forward and create productive action items.
Take a moment to reflect afterward.
So many of us have gotten into the habit of jumping from meeting to meeting, but taking a moment to reflect on the value that came from a particular call can help you improve future meetings. Davey suggests asking yourself, “Were we talking about the right things, or did things come up here that didn't need to be a meeting or were important things not on the agenda?” You can also reflect on if you were prepared. “That quick evaluation can help you see where you made progress, and if the meeting was worthwhile,” she explains –– and can help you lead meetings in the future that are even more productive and energizing for your team.
How to Identify Employee Stress and Open Up the Well-Being Conversation
Ten conversation prompts to help you support your team members’ well-being.
It’s not always easy to identify your employees’ stressors and open up a conversation that’s both productive and empathetic. But prioritizing the mental well-being of your team members isn’t just a nice thing to do — it makes business sense, too. When your whole team is thriving, you are more productive, more creative, and better able to contribute to the success of your organization. By connecting authentically with your team members and having honest conversations about the challenges they face, you can build trust, strengthen your relationships, and set them up for sustainable success.
If you’re not sure where to start, here are some conversation prompts that can help you open up the conversation around mental health with your team and invite them to share what’s on their mind:
1. What are the most important things in your life outside of work? How can I support you?
2. Who do you want to be at work? As a teammate, what qualities do you want to bring to your work each day?
3. What are your well-being goals?
4. Have you started taking any Microsteps to build new habits?
5. How would you define success in your role?
6. What life-work boundaries are most important to you?
7. What kind of work environment helps you do your best work and be your best self?
8. What makes you feel stressed, drained, or frustrated at work? How can I support you when it comes to these challenges?
9. What activities help you unplug and recharge when you’re stressed or overwhelmed?
10. How do you connect to a larger sense of the purpose and meaning of your work? Is there anything specific that excites and motivates you?
The Power of Leading With Compassion and Empathy
Approaching your team with kindness and understanding encourages them to speak up, celebrate their wins, and do their best work.
When leaders approach their teams with compassion and empathy, it makes a difference at both the individual and organizational levels. A study from the University of Pennsylvania found that when leaders are grateful to their employees, those employees are 50 percent more successful. Another study showed that when individuals were met with active listening and empathy, they felt more understood than participants who received advice.
“Leadership should feel transformational, and not transactional,” Robert Vecchiotti, Ph.D, business advisor and executive coach, tells Thrive. While a transactional style of leadership leaves little room for compassion and belonging, transformational leadership helps employees feel seen and heard. “Qualities like emotional intelligence and kindness are an important starting point,” he explains.
If you’re looking for small ways to lead your team with compassion and empathy, try these tips to get started:
Open a meeting with a personal question rather than a work-related one.
Respecting your teammates as whole humans and taking an interest in their personal lives increases emotional well-being and boosts happiness. Plus, Vecchiotti says taking this time to establish trust and comfort can help create a more welcoming work environment. “If you have a leader you can trust, then you are in a candid and collaborative environment,” he explains. So don’t be afraid to establish that trust and interest early on.
Take a moment to celebrate a team member’s accomplishment.
There’s power in celebrating our small wins — and by taking time to highlight someone else’s recent accomplishment, you’re able to set the stage for an environment of gratitude and joy. “Celebrating small successes is key,” Vecchiotti says. “Building on those can lead to major milestones.”
Practice active listening.
Resist the urge to share advice or propose a solution when someone on your team is sharing something vulnerable, even if your intention is to be helpful. Instead, Vecchiotti suggests working on active listening. “Emotional intelligence plays a big role in leadership,” he says. “You have to start with listening, and really hear what others are telling you.”
Express your gratitude at the beginning of your next meeting.
Expressing gratitude toward your team members and thanking them for their contributions is a great habit for compassionate leaders to build. In fact, showing gratitude can lead to greater motivation and improved performance while assuring people that they matter. “A positive attitude leads to a more inclusive culture,” Vecchiotti says. “The more diverse the culture, the stronger the culture is.”
Schedule a regular touch-base for your team.
Simply checking in regularly can be a powerful way to show team members you care about what they’re working on and what’s on their mind. Vecchiotti calls this “ongoing performance management,” and says that checking in regularly is an important part of compassionate leadership. “If somebody is doing well, tell them,” he suggests. “And if there's a need for feedback, don’t wait until their annual performance review.”
Small Ways to Incorporate Gratitude Into Your Life Without Keeping a Journal
These strategies will help fill your life with joy, and enhance your health and well-being.
Gratitude journals are incredibly effective, but they’re not the only way to instill a sense of appreciation to your day. Whether you prefer a different creative outlet or simply find keeping up with a consistent writing exercise more stressful than rewarding, there are other small ways to practice gratitude on a regular basis. Researchers have found that the benefits of a tiny expression of appreciation — like writing and delivering a thank you letter — can last for an entire month. Gratitude has even been found to lower levels of stress and depression, and improve sleep.
We asked our Thrive community to share the small ways they incorporate gratitude into their daily lives. Which of these will you try today?
Set a gratitude alarm
“About four years ago, I was introduced to Shawn Achor’s TED Talk, ‘The happy secret to better work.’ His talk inspired me to set a gratitude alarm on my phone for 9:00 p.m. each night. When it goes off, I recite three things I’m grateful for from the past 24 hours. Whoever is around me at the time participates too, and I always find that it’s really fun when the alarm goes off in large groups.”
—Blair Kaplan Venables, entrepreneur and marketing professional, Pemberton, B.C., Canada
Send handwritten thank you cards
“I write notes each week to express my appreciation to at least three people. I prefer to write them by hand, so I carry thank you cards in my travel bag along with stamps. It’s made me a better observer as well.”
—Sue Hawkes, CEO of YESS!, Minneapolis, MN
End the day with a family bedtime recap
“We do a brief recap before bedtime with our kids to appreciate different things and events from our day. Bringing our kids into this practice allows us to connect with their feelings and thoughts, and helps guide them on what’s really important.”
—Giancarlo Molero, happiness innovator, Miami, FL
Visualize the people you’re grateful for
“There is something special and powerful about keeping a gratitude journal, but I find it hard to maintain. Instead, I lean on the power of visualization to incorporate gratitude into my daily life. The first moment I see my wife and son when I wake up, I smile with gratitude. Before I go to sleep, I do the same. And during the day, whenever I think of them, I use this visual memory to spark my gratitude until the next time I see them. It works every time.”
—Joe Kwon, executive coach, Oakland, NJ
Start each morning with a tech-free breakfast
“Most mornings, my husband and I wake up at sunrise, go for an 8 km. walk, and then return home to what we call our ‘candlelight breakfast’ ritual. We light a candle at our little dining table and sit down to eat breakfast together. During this time, we put our phones aside, set our intentions for the day, and share what we’re grateful for. We first started this practice during our ongoing fertility struggles, and we have kept at it for two years now. It’s a great way to begin the day feeling grounded in gratitude, conscious of the many blessings we have, and supported by one another.”
—Jodi Sky Rogers, author and fertility support coach, Johannesburg, South Africa
Help someone else
“I have incorporated gratitude into my life by helping others, especially on days when I am struggling. In a world that is so busy and sometimes cold, others feel lost in the shuffle, and I have found that asking, ‘How are you?’ or ‘Can I do anything to help you?’ can be life-changing. For the recipient, you’re acknowledging them, and helping them feel seen. And for myself, I feel a sense of compassion and healing. It helps on the days I need a gratitude boost.”
—Shelby Sudnick, coordinator at Tribe Relations, Wilkes-Barre, PA
Express appreciation for the little things
“Throughout each day, whenever I see people who have said or done something that I appreciate, I make a point to let them know that I’m grateful for the specific ways they’ve recently made a positive impact on me. Ongoing conversations like these can help start a cycle of gratitude.”
—Whitney Hopler, communications director, Fairfax, VA
Think of three good things
“I started a ‘three good things’ journal a couple of years ago, and it had such a huge impact on my mental health. I started to sleep better because I was going to bed focused on something positive rather than ruminating on my perceived failures from the day. It also encouraged me to look for more positives and be genuinely grateful for what I have, which impacted my mood and overall happiness.”
—Sophie Carefull, photographer, Bristol, U.K.
Shift from “I have to” to “I get to”
“We often show gratitude for big things but neglect to give thanks for small, daily gifts. I find that one way to incorporate gratitude into your life is to remind yourself that you get to do things, instead of feeling like you have to do them. For example, be grateful you get to drive your kids to school, or make them dinner. When you do the laundry, be grateful that you have clothes to wash, have a washing machine, and feel healthy enough to do your own laundry.”
—Jill Liberman, author and motivational speaker, Palm Beach, FL
Say hello to strangers
“When the day feels especially challenging, I make an effort to smile at strangers on my morning commute. It’s my way of acknowledging them without saying anything. Then, when I enter the lobby and see the security sitting at the front desk of the building, I always make a conscious effort of saying good morning to him or her. I think it’s those simple gestures that allow me to express gratitude for others in the world around me, and they always enhance my day by smiling back or saying hello.”
—Cecilia Grey, client liaison and content creator, Santa Barbara, CA
Bookend your day with meditation
“I do my daily meditations as a bookend to my day. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, I close them again and meditate on all my blessings. In the evening when I close my eyes, I take the time to reassess the blessings that I received and gave that day. Then, again, I contemplate which blessings I will receive the next day and bring to others. This cycle of acknowledging all the good that surrounds me gives me inspiration and a clear path to what I want to accomplish.”
—Shahrnaz Nancy Southwick, producer and writer, Los Angeles, CA
Send a gratitude text
“Find an accountability partner and text three things you’re grateful for every evening. This is a wonderful way to get to know someone better as well!”
—Arlene Van Oss, community relations, San Castle, FL
Use your shower time to reflect
“For me, gratitude is being able to appreciate every experience: every touch, every word, and every thought that helps to create my life’s mosaic. I usually speak my gratitude messages out loud in the shower. There’s something about water that moves me. The shower water refreshes me. Gratitude helps me appreciate that I can live my dreams and help others do the same.”
—Gail Hayes, executive leadership coach and author, Mebane, NC
Think about a future gift
“Right before my morning meditation, I think of five things I’m grateful for, like the fresh blueberries in my morning oatmeal, or feeling thankful for my husband. Then, I list five things I’m grateful for that I don’t yet have. When I feel grateful for future gifts, it helps raise my vibration so I can attract more good things into my life. I always feel grounded and clear on my day’s purpose after this daily practice.”
—Katie Wolf, mindset coach at The Centered Creative, Nashville, TN
Take a moment for self-examination
“I’ve learned that authentic gratitude requires self-examination. With self-examination comes understanding and self-compassion. This leads to compassion for others wrapped in a spirit of gratefulness for ourselves and our fellow man. We can then look at strangers and send them waves of gratitude because we see them as ourselves, no gratitude gimmicks needed! Just earnestly examine yourself.”
—Demetria Bridges, voice and film actor, Boston, MA
Say “thank you” in advance
“I like to say ‘thank you’ before I’ve actually received something. While writing an article the other day, I was struggling to find the right words. I stopped, took a deep breath, and thought to myself, ‘Thank you for bringing the right words to me.’ After taking a break, I came back, and the words flowed through me. This practice reminds me that I always have everything I need — whether I can see it yet or not.”
—Alissa Jablonske, blogger, Orange County, CA
Pause and reframe
“I have a trick I use when I encounter something that might inspire annoyance. I repeat the phrase, ‘Stop. Reframe. Gratitude.’ For example, rather than letting a pair of size-13 shoes absent-mindedly left in a trip-inducing position in a shared household set off a grumpy feeling, I remind myself that those shoes are a welcome sign that someone I love, with giant feet, is here, sharing this home with me, and I am quite happy that we are together — messy shoe habits or not.”
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3 Ways to Instill a Culture of Authenticity and Self-Empowerment
Small but powerful steps you can take to foster connection and well-being.
As a leader, creating a culture that celebrates authenticity and empowerment can boost employee engagement and improve retention. Gen Z will make up 27% of the workforce in three years, and research shows these employees value life-work integration and mental health support more than anything else. As managers, we have an opportunity to embed well-being into our workflows from the moment a new employee joins our team.
Here are three tips to help you instill a culture of authenticity and self-empowerment on your team:
Model self-care
There’s a reason why airline attendants always instruct us that, in case of emergency, we’re better able to help others if we secure our own oxygen masks first. When we accept that it’s the quality — not the quantity — of our decisions that really matters, it’s easier to understand how recharging and disconnecting are essential to our performance. When we’re burned out, sleep deprived, and always on, our decision making and leadership suffer. You might not think about this as a core part of your job, but your employees are looking to you for cues regarding workplace culture and habits. If you model leadership behaviors that lead to burnout, your team will follow suit. Likewise, if you model self-care, you can lay the groundwork for a team that celebrates authenticity and protects against stress and burnout.
Try this Microstep: When you take PTO, shut off your email, calendar, and chat notifications.
Unplugging from work in our off-hours helps us feel less stressed and more engaged when we're back.
Foster connection on your teams
As human beings, we’re hard-wired to connect. Having meaningful relationships is central to our well-being, in both the short and long term. At work, especially in a remote or hybrid workplace, making connections can be challenging. But 70 percent of people say having work friends is the most crucial element of a fulfilling work life. As a leader, you can foster relationships within your team by creating small moments to connect in team meetings and throughout each day. Encourage new employees to pair up with an accountability buddy, or add them to group projects that can help them get to know other members of your team. Encouraging these social connections will increase your team’s authenticity and sense of belonging.
Try this Microstep: At the start of your next meeting, encourage everyone to share their point of view.
Inviting others to open up without fear of judgment is a simple gesture to show your colleagues that their voices are welcome and valued.
Focus on managing the whole human
The mindset shift we need to make as leaders is both simple and profound: We need to take a whole-human approach to leadership. This means seeing your team members not only as employees, but as human beings. Because if the past few years have taught us anything, it’s that our work and life are always integrated. Our work can give us purpose and meaning, but it shouldn’t take the place of life. And when we lead with this in mind, we set our people — and our entire organization — up for lasting success. Start by asking teammates what’s important to them, what’s on their mind, and what they’re grateful for. These questions can start as soon as their Entry Interview, encouraging a culture of well-being and connection from the beginning.
Try this Microstep: Open a meeting with a personal question rather than a work-related one.
Taking the opportunity to go deeper with a teammate helps you be more authentic and forges a deeper connection.
3 Simple Strategies to Become a Better Listener
Tune in to the conversation right in front of you.
With the constant distraction of our screens, it’s more important than ever to sharpen our listening skills so we can better connect and collaborate with others. Being a good listener is critical to fostering personal and professional growth, but it’s not always easy to turn off the rest of the world and tune in to the conversations happening right in front of us.
We asked members of the Thrive community to share their strategies for becoming better listeners.
Use meditation to calm a restless mind
“Meditation is my tool to improve my listening skills. It has helped me gain mastery over my tendency to fidget, be distracted, and interrupt. Meditation helps me manage my jerky and jumpy mind so I can remain fully attentive to the person speaking. Secondly, my meditation practice helps me prioritize self-care, so that I can better care for others and listen with my whole being. When someone is listening from an enthusiastic place, I am more excited about my own story — I hope to return this priceless gift!”
—Meris R. Gebahrdt, meditation expert, New York, NY
Eliminate distractions
“A few phrases have helped me develop as an active listener, including the idea of seeking first to understand before being understood, validating the feelings of others, and being slow to speak and quick to listen. When someone is vulnerable and shares something with me, it’s not uncommon that I thank them for sharing. I try to eliminate barriers to listening by keeping my phone down and away when engaging. We often put far too much emphasis on speaking, and not enough on listening. Each person contributes, and I believe we can learn a lot from one another in conversations.”
—Josh Neuer, licensed professional counselor, Greenville, SC
Show curiosity and create a safe space
“My executive coach once told me that great listeners not only hear a person out, but also ask thoughtful questions that promote discovery and insight. This provides evidence that a person is not just listening, but comprehending to further the conversation. A Microstep I’ve used to great effect is to create a safe space in which ideas, feelings, or emotions can be expressed well.”
—Vinutha Narayan, global head of strategic projects, San Francisco, CA
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12 Ways to Practice Mindfulness Every Single Day
Transforming everyday tasks into acts of mindfulness isn’t as hard as you might think.
You might think you need to schedule additional moments of mindfulness into your daily routine in order to feel its full effect. The truth is, though, that mindfulness can be part of the tasks you already do every single day — and the benefits will speak for themselves. Science shows that practicing mindfulness can help you retain your focus when learning new information, solve problems in new ways, and even make you more resilient in the face of stress.
We asked members of the Thrive community to share how they incorporate acts of mindfulness into their everyday routines. Though simple, their strategies prove just how easy it is to transform mundane tasks into opportunities for greater self-awareness, and for you to express appreciation for the present moment.
Focus on your “now”
“Being a mum to a busy toddler and running a business can get overwhelming. I have a tendency to think about what’s next, what’s not done, and how much time there is — or isn’t! — to get things done. The best practise I’ve found is a conscious parenting technique: I stop, take a breath, and ask myself, ‘What is my now? Am I in my now?’ This helps me focus on the task I am doing, my son in front of me, my environment, and all the sights, smells, and sounds I am missing in my hurry to get things done.”
—Crystal Davis, international business coach, Italy
Turn your to-do list into a to-feel list
“I write a list each morning of three positive emotions I want to experience that day. Watching as people and situations spark those emotions throughout my day is like a fun science experiment! The list changes daily and might focus on strong, happy, and confident one day, and grateful, funny, and loving the next. It brings a bit of mindfulness to my everyday activities and makes them much more empowering.”
—Kelly Rudolph, certified life coach, San Diego, CA
Dance every day
“Even if it’s for one song, it’s something that easily brings me into my body and the present moment. Plus, it’s something that I can do to spend a few quality minutes connecting with my kids.”
—Lindsay Ford, parenting coach, Kitchener, ON, Canada
Embrace tech-free moments
“I have a morning gratitude practice, in addition to journaling for 20 minutes, followed by a brief meditation. I have learned to keep my phone at home when I take my dogs for a walk, so I can see the world with the same perspective they have. I also take a weekly technological sabbatical. By expanding our ideas of mindfulness, we can help it become a greater part of our lives without it being an activity we do in lotus position.”
—Tricia Wolanin, Psy.D., clinical psychologist, Bury St. Edmunds, U.K.
Set an intention every morning
“It might be something like, ‘Just for today, I will listen without judgment.’ Then I spend five or 10 minutes in meditation using the intention as my centering thought. This reminds me that with each new day, there is an opportunity to improve upon ourselves and focus on one thing at a time. By practicing mindfulness and being present in the moment, time does not pass too quickly, and I develop an entirely new appreciation and gratitude for all the things life has to offer.”
—Tammie Kip, author, Ontario, Canada
Take a moment to remember your mission
“I set two reminders on my phone: one at 8:30 a.m. and one at 5 p.m. The one at 8:30 says, ‘Be the light,’ and the one at 5 says, ‘Thank you.’ The first reminds me to be present when I start my day, and helps me stay aware of my role at work, which is to bring light to everyone I meet. The second reminds me to end the day with gratitude for my job and the people I get to lead and serve.”
—Camille Sacco, bank manager and meditation instructor, Winter Park, FL
Think about your impact
“I try to focus more on what I am doing and how my actions make some kind of impact. When going somewhere, I try to be mindful and walk to the destination instead of taking a taxi. This positively impacts the environment, but also increases the steps I’ll get in a day!”
—Stella Stephanopoulos, student, New York, NY
Simply breathe
“Using six-count belly breathing always calms me down. I use it throughout the day — when someone cuts me off in traffic or I have to go to the dentist. It even helps me fall asleep. It’s my go-to stress reliever.”
—Natalie Bonfig, writer and speaker, St. Paul, MN
Let your mind wander during your morning routine
“The morning shower is one of the only places we can truly enjoy privacy. It forces us to nurture our bodies while giving free rein to our psyches to tinker, play, and wonder. Without any expectation, our minds wander and dream, opening up what Zen Buddhists call ‘beginner’s mind’. During this seemingly mundane time, our free-wheeling right brain works its magic to start a truly mindful and creative day. There’s no better way to prepare yourself to be delighted by new discoveries that will transform the prose of the day into sheer poetry!”
—Michael Alcee, clinical psychologist, Tarrytown, NY
Take a pause
“As a mom, I use mindfulness to help me stay calm and focused when I am with my children. If I catch myself getting frustrated or overwhelmed, I always turn to my breath. I take 10-20 deep breaths to remind myself to stay in the present moment. In my career, I use mindfulness to deal with difficult clients. I’ve come to realize that ‘difficult people’ are usually just scared and overwhelmed, and don’t know how to deal with situations that are out of their control. I always leave some space between the time they voice their frustrations and when I give my response so that I have time to take in what they’ve said and separate any emotion from it. In doing this, I’ve found I can bring peace and calm to almost any situation.”
—Krista Golightly, realtor and life coach, Hernando, MS
Pay attention to your body
“If I pay attention to my breath, it grounds me. When I actively notice my feet on the ground or the breeze on my bare arms, it brings me back to the present moment. When I put my hand over my heart, it not only reminds me to be more mindful, but also to hone in on self-compassion and love. My body helps bring my mind into now.”
—Lisa Kohn, author and executive coach, Wayne, PA
Embrace sensations
“When I’m washing the dishes, I bring my attention to how the temperature feels on my hands, the texture of the sponge or brush that I’m using, and the act of cleaning. When I’m outside, I tap into my senses. Is the sun bringing warmth to my skin? Is a breeze cooling me down? Is someone grilling? Are there children zipping by on their scooters or skateboards?”
—Marissa Boisvert, behavior change specialist, Cold Spring, NY
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The Small Miracle of Gratitude
There’s practically nothing it can’t do.
Gratitude is such a light-sounding word for an emotion that’s so powerful. But there’s a reason why it shares the same Latin root — gratus — as the word grace. Living in a state of gratitude is our gateway to grace — and a vital part of our well-being.
We live in a stressful world, feeling perpetually behind, so connected to the entire world through our technology that we’re disconnected from each other and from ourselves. Rates of anxiety and depression are skyrocketing. But there is an antidote to all of this: gratitude. When you find yourself in that stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off mindset, gratitude is the brake lever. Gratitude helps us reset and gives us perspective. We think of gratitude as a coda, an add-on, something that comes at the end. But in fact, gratitude is the beginning. And when we practice it, it sets off a chain reaction of positive benefits.
It’s something the ancients certainly knew. Cicero wrote that “gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all the others.” This wisdom has since been confirmed by a mountain of hard science, as the list of what gratitude can do is seemingly endless.
Robert Emmons, Ph.D., of the University of California, Davis, and Michael McCullough, Ph.D., of the University of Miami, are two of the foremost gratitude researchers. In one study, they had one group of participants write down things they were grateful for over the course of several weeks. Another group recorded things that had aggravated them. It’s not that the gratitude group had more things to be grateful for — it’s that they were more focused on the things they were grateful for than on the things that upset them, and as a result, they were more optimistic and happier with their lives, and even had fewer visits to the doctor. We’re grateful not for the things we’re entitled to, but just the opposite. “At the cornerstone of gratitude is the notion of undeserved merit,” Emmons and McCullough write in their book The Psychology of Gratitude. “The grateful person recognizes that he or she did nothing to deserve the gift or benefit; it was freely bestowed.” And that, as they conclude in their study, has powerful consequences. “A life oriented around gratefulness is the panacea for insatiable yearnings and life’s ills,” they write.
Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the positive psychology researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, found that the beneficial impact of a single gratitude exercise — in this case, writing and delivering a letter of thanks to someone — could last for an entire month. Gratitude has also been found to improve sleep and lower levels of stress and depression. Researchers at the University of California, San Diego School of Medicine found that gratitude interventions could improve heart health by lowering levels of inflammation.
In adolescents, gratitude has been found to reduce materialism and increase generosity. Another study concluded that gratitude can lead to healthier eating in young people. In the elderly, gratitude has been found to reduce loneliness.
We see that gratitude can work its magic in the workplace, as well. Researchers from Wharton found that gratitude in the form of managers saying thank you to their employees for their efforts motivated them to work harder.
And I’ve seen the power of gratitude in my own life. My current method is borrowed from my daughter, Christina. Before bed, I’ll jot down a few things I’m grateful for in a journal. It focuses my mind on all the blessings in my life, big and small — and diminishes the running list of unresolved problems. Of course, we all have a mix of both in our lives, and it’s up to us what governs our mood. As Dickens wrote, “Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” It’s easy to let the attention-seeking setbacks and upsets take center stage, especially as our heads hit the pillow. But gratitude shifts the spotlight, making sure it’s our blessings that send us off to sleep, which makes it much more likely that we won’t wake up in the middle of the night ruminating over every problem.
And the objects of our gratitude don’t have to be big or life-changing. It can be gratitude for your morning cafe latte, or a random encounter with a person who made you smile that day, or a piece of nature on the way to work. Or it can be simply gratitude for being alive.
I find I’m grateful not only for all the tangible blessings that have come my way in life, but I’m also grateful for all that hasn’t happened — for all those close shaves with “disaster” of some kind or another, all the bad things that could have happened but didn’t. The distance between them happening and not happening is grace. And gratitude.
There are, of course, countless ways to bring gratitude into your life. Mark Williams, DPhil, professor of clinical psychology at Oxford, suggests a daily “10-finger gratitude exercise,” in which you list 10 things you’re grateful for and count them out on your fingers. Coming up with 10 won’t always be easy. But that’s the point — it’s about, as he puts it in his book, Mindfulness, “intentionally bringing into awareness the tiny, previously unnoticed elements of the day.”
Professor Laurie Santos, Ph.D., is the teacher of Yale’s most popular class, “Psychology and the Good Life,” also known as the “happiness course.” Gratitude is one of the pillars of the course. But, as Santos says, to get the full effect, it has to be more than just going through the motions. “You have to take time to feel it,” she says. “It’s a moment to really reflect on, ‘What would my life be like without this thing?’”
It’s no coincidence, she notes, that gratitude, along with other structural supports of our well-being, has been at the core of every tradition that focuses on what it means to live a Good Life. “Our minds are terrible at accurately predicting what will make us happy,” she says. “I think that’s why humans have historically needed religion and faith. Those traditions push us in the direction of doing acts of charity, having gratitude, being in communities where we connect with people — all things that give us a boost. Luckily, nonbelievers can get a boost from those habits, too.”
But to get that boost, we need to be deliberate about it. One extra bit of motivation is to think about the impact of your gratitude not just on you, but on the object of your gratitude. A fascinating study by researchers from the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago had participants draft letters of gratitude and then try to predict how happy, surprised or awkward the recipients would feel. What they found was that people greatly underestimated how happy the recipients felt, and overestimated the awkwardness. “Underestimating the value of prosocial actions, such as expressing gratitude, may keep people from engaging in behavior that would maximize their own — and others’ — well-being,” the authors concluded.
If you always feel like you’re short on time, try working gratitude into your life through habit-stacking. This is the proven practice of creating a new habit by “stacking” it onto an existing habit. An easy method: Think of three things you’re grateful for while brushing your teeth or during some other part of your morning or evening routine. It’s a way of adding meaning to mundane moments — and without having to find any more time in your day.
But however you do it, just do it — find a way to give yourself the gift of gratitude. It’s a small miracle and it’s available to all of us, all the time. And the only eligibility requirement is being alive. As the saying goes, it’s not happy people who are thankful, it’s grateful people who are happy.
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8 People Explain Why Giving Is Their Favorite Form of Self-Care
Taking time to support others will refresh your perspective.
There is growing evidence that giving to others can serve as a powerful form of self-care. Research shows that spending time on other people can boost our happiness, increase activity in the reward-processing areas of the brain, and even give us a greater sense of “time affluence” — making us feel like we have more time in our day, rather than less. Simply put, improving the lives of others feels good, and in turn, can improve our lives and well-being, too.
We asked members of the Thrive community to share ways that giving to others can feel like an act of self-care. Their stories speak to the power of gratitude, and will make you want to give back, too.
Volunteer with the ones you love
“Once a month for the last few years, my youngest son and I volunteer on Sunday afternoons at our local Feed the Hungry program. Over 500 people are given a warm healthy meal — which, for most of them, is their only meal each week. This type of charity work is so tangible — it’s in-the-moment interactions with people in our community. Service to others is important in our family, so I wanted my children to embrace this virtue and give back in a meaningful way. After every shift, I feel it is the most important work of my week and I crave more. There is an energy and lightness I feel that fuels me to tackle the days ahead with a fresh perspective and gratitude.”
—Lara Smith, CEO, Calgary, Canada
Offer comfort to others
“When I am feeling low and disconnected, I can easily lift my spirit and regain connection by reaching out to others. Having a servant’s heart not only helps others, but also brings me to a place of peace, allowing me to get out of my own head. I practice giving as self-care by offering Reiki to bring comfort to others, which, in turn, allows me to share my love and light. I also volunteer for an organization that helps families facing homelessness. This is an opportunity for me to walk in gratitude — another form of self-care — and appreciate all that I have.”
—April McGinnis, project manager, Brownsburg, IN
Donate your time
“During the last five summers, I have volunteered in the kitchen of a camp at Martha’s Vineyard. At first, it was just to go to Martha’s Vineyard. Now, I find that it is the most important week of my year. I return with an incredible feeling of purpose and gratitude. I have gained so many like-minded friendships from the experience. Without the volunteers, the religious organization that runs the camp would not be able to operate it. I leave in two weeks for my sixth year of participation, and I can’t wait!”
—Jenny Trostel, director of development, Baltimore, MD
Serve as a mentor
“I spend a substantial amount of time mentoring young girls from underrepresented and economically disadvantaged communities. Some of them take three buses to get to school, and work very hard to change their circumstances; they are all so motivated, driven, and dedicated. I conduct several regular workshops and sessions to encourage them, connect them with opportunities, and serve as a sounding board when they need a listening ear. Investing a few hours of my time is deeply satisfying, and I feel rewarded for having influenced them in a positive way. In turn, this makes me feel grateful for all that I have in my own life.”
—Vinutha Narayan, global head of strategic initiatives and special projects, San Francisco, CA
Slow down when someone needs your help
“I was about to launch a new business that I had spent years working on when life offered me a better opportunity: Take care of my mom. Her spinal pain had gotten so bad that she decided to risk it all and have a life-threatening surgery that might relieve it. Talk about brave. I packed up and moved to Nashville to be by her side. The surgery was successful! I helped her through a very tough year of rehabilitation. She told me I was her hero, but actually she was mine, and still is to this day. Focusing on her gave me a new perspective — she wasn’t the only one who healed. Now, my life is full of hope again. By the way — that original business venture has been redesigned to make a difference, not just money.”
—Todd Garrett, marketing, Nashville, TN
Engage in random acts of kindness
“You cannot spell give without ‘I’ve.’ Giving serves as a reminder of all you have. Giving comforts and creates a connection to others. One way I give is by offering a smile to a person who appears sad. Sometimes, I enjoy purchasing smiley face balloons that I then leave in friend’s yards. Other times, I pay for the groceries of the person in front of me, by slipping my card to the cashier (who always respects my wish to not disclose who has paid). Most importantly, I extend gratitude in the form of daily words and weekly flowers to my wife.”
—Adrienne Ione, health practitioner, Tacoma, WA
Lean into others in times of loss
“It’s been three weeks and four days since I lost my father unexpectedly from complications after a fall. I was lucky to have several visits and conversations with him before things went awry, along with many memories. But I have felt as if I’m pushing through water these last weeks. Everything is harder and slower. So today, I spent my lunch hour smiling and buying cute backpacks and school supplies for the Backpack Lady Project for local kids. Don’t crayons make everybody smile? I enjoyed escaping into the sunshine, and I realized some kids who receive these items don’t have a dad at all. It’s true: There’s always somebody hurting worse than you.”
—Teresa Collins, purchasing manager, Indian Shores, FL
Offer a helping hand
“I created a weekly pool workout for my friend, who spends his days in a wheelchair due to multiple sclerosis. The poolside lift at the YMCA allows me to transfer his body into the pool and then — voila! —the water removes gravity! He works super hard, grunting and straining while I hands-on support him through an hour’s worth of leg curls, squats, knee lifts, swimming, and even a bit of unassisted walking (which he hasn’t been able to enjoy in over 10 years). I bend and stretch his stiff legs, joints, and ankles between sets to provide rest breaks and improve his flexibility. He expresses gratitude throughout the hour, and it puts me in a state of gratitude for the rest of the day! My friend’s positive attitude makes everyone he touches grateful for our own health, and more aware of how lucky most of us are to be able-bodied.”
—Frances Miyamoto, writer and health coach, Venice, CA
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What’s Missing From Our Conversation on Self-Care
Giving is like a self-care miracle drug.
Self-care is the biggest trend in well-being. There’s #SelfCare Sunday. Self-care on campus. Self-care while traveling. Self-care as Apple’s 2018 App Trend of the Year. And that’s great — self-care is incredibly important. It’s the foundation of well-being and it’s a big part of the mission of Thrive Global. But often lost in discussion is one of our most powerful tools for self-care: caring for others. Giving — going beyond ourselves and stepping out of our comfort zones to serve others — is one of the most effective and proven ways to boost our well-being, transforming the giver as much as the recipient.
When our whole world shrinks down to just ourselves — a state very easy to come about in a world that encourages it — the smallest problems or reversals of fortunes throw us. Our entire narrative is just us. And so our entire state of being rises and falls with that narrative. But when we include others in that narrative and widen the circle of our concern, we’re less concerned with the self — it is much easier to gain perspective, to gain empathy, and to find gratitude. That has huge consequences for our mental health, making us much more effective at dealing with stress, anxiety and even depression.
There’s a reason why in practically every religious and spiritual tradition, giving of oneself is a key step on the path to fulfillment. “The generous person will prosper, and whoever refreshes others will himself be refreshed,” reads Proverbs. “Through selfless service, you will always be fruitful and find the fulfillment of your desires,” says Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita. And in Acts, Jesus says that “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.” In 63 A.D. Seneca wrote that “No one can live happily who has regard for himself alone and transforms everything into a question of his own utility.” Or, as a more modern day sage, David Letterman, put it in 2013 A.D.: “I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.”
And science has validated the idea again and again. One study found that volunteering at least once a week gives you the same boost to well-being as a salary increase from $20,000 to $75,000. A Harvard Business School study showed that “donating to charity has a similar relationship to subjective well-being as a doubling of household income.” The same study found that students who were told to spend a small amount of money on someone else were happier than students who were told to spend it on themselves.
And the effect doesn’t just come from the idea of donating some money — it comes from the connection enabled by the giving. In one study, researchers from Simon Fraser University, the University of British Columbia and Harvard Business School gave participants $10 gift cards. One group was instructed to spend it on themselves. Another was instructed to give it to someone else to spend at Starbucks, but not go with them. And the third was told to give them to someone else and go with them to Starbucks to spend it. The result? In the words of the authors, “participants who spent on others in a way that allowed for social connection experienced the highest levels of happiness at the end of the day.”
A study led by researchers from the University of Exeter Medical School found that volunteering was connected to lower rates of depression, higher self-reported levels of well-being and a significant reduction in mortality risk. The latter was confirmed by researchers from the University of Michigan who, analyzing data going back to 1957, found that those who volunteered lived longer than those who didn’t.
In fact, we’re so hard-wired to give that our genes reward us for it — and punish us when we don’t. A study by researchers from the University of North Carolina and UCLA found that participants whose happiness was mostly hedonic (i.e., focused on self-gratification) had high levels of biological markers that promote inflammation and which are linked to diabetes, cancer and other conditions. Participants whose happiness included service to others had health profiles with reduced levels of the same markers. Of course, everybody experiences a mixture of both kinds of happiness, but our bodies’ internal systems are subtly pushing us to seek out the kind based on giving. Our bodies know what we need to do to nurture our well-being, even if our minds — and our overly crammed schedules — don’t always get the message.
And if you think your never-ending to-do list — or what researchers call the feeling of “time famine” — makes it impossible to fit a regular practice of giving into your life, well, giving has an answer to that, too. One of my favorite studies from the Wharton, Yale and Harvard business schools compared three groups of participants: one that wasted time, one that spent time on themselves, and one that gave their time away doing something for someone else. As it turned out, the third group had significantly higher feelings of “time affluence” — by giving their time away, they literally felt like they had created more time in their lives. And, even more fascinating, because of the boosted feelings of self-efficacy that helping others had given them, they were also more likely to commit to additional future engagements, even though they were very busy. So giving actually expanded their schedules, allowing them to fit more — both for themselves and for others — into their lives.
And it makes sense. Giving answers our fundamental need for human connection. I remember when a friend of mine lost her job after a successful career. It was a big blow, and she was having real trouble gathering the confidence to bounce back. I encouraged her to start volunteering and recommended A Place Called Home, which works with underserved young people in south central L.A. She found herself exposed to a whole other world, and one evening, sitting in a forgiveness circle, when her turn came, she forgave her daughter for forgetting her birthday — after which the girl next to her forgave her mother for shooting her father. It quickly put her disappointment and fear about the future in perspective. She saw firsthand that what people who are struggling economically need as well as money, food, clothing and material necessities is to feel that someone hears them and cares.
We see this in very obvious ways in the collective response to natural disasters. Whether it’s earthquakes, hurricanes or our appalling and endless parade of mass shootings. Soon after the event, we’ll see the stories of strangers helping strangers, and how it brought out the best in us and helped shake us out of our complacent, self-centered routines.
But we don’t need extreme events or natural disasters to spur us to tap into our natural humanity. After all, we know there are people in need all the time, in every city, in every community. Nor is giving just about going to homeless shelters and food banks — as important as those are. It’s also about giving whatever special skills and talents and passions you have. That can mean tutoring, mentoring, using our expertise to help a non-profit.
It’s about doing whatever we can to widen the circle of our concern. It’s not just good for the world, it’s good for us. And all we need is to just widen our definition of self-care. Because creating a healthy self-care routine includes making time to care for others. Or, as Eleanor Roosevelt put it: “Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
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The Scientific Connection Between Sleep, Kindness and Empathy
Two experts on the link between sleep and compassion — and sleep-deprivation and loneliness.
I consider myself to be a kind, sociable person, but some days I feel short and grumpy. “Why has no one emptied the dishwasher?” I hear myself shouting. “Not right now,” I’ll snap in response to a request for help. I try to get perspective, using all the mindfulness tools at my disposal: from meditation to affirmations. But on those difficult days, inevitably when I haven’t slept well, empathy is in short supply.
It’s a relief to discover that I’m not turning into a Jekyll and Hyde! And if you can relate to feeling snippy when you haven’t slept well, neither are you. Scientific studies have found a direct correlation between sleep, compassion, and empathy. Health and performance psychologist, Inna Khazan Ph.D., a faculty member at Harvard Medical School, says when we don’t get enough shuteye, “We are more likely to have trouble regulating our emotions, so we feel anxious and irritable.” Compassion, Khazan says, is strongly associated with the parasympathetic (or relaxation) part of our nervous system. “Without enough deep rest, it’s more difficult to act kindly towards others and ourselves,” she says.
Studies show that poor sleep actually lowers our empathy, says Eti Ben Simon, Ph.D., a neuroscientist at UC Berkeley’s Center for Human Sleep Science. “Concern for people requires an understanding of what they want or feel, and we now have preliminary evidence that regions of the brain dealing with that understanding are impaired by sleep loss — which means the basis for empathy is lost,” she tells Thrive. Researchers have also discovered that sleep-deprived individuals are less likely to vote or donate to charity because of what Ben Simon describes as “a decreased interest in the well-being of others.”
A recent Berkeley study Ben Simon co-authored found that people who haven’t slept well also feel more loneliness and withdraw from interacting with others in much the same way as people with social anxiety do.
The researchers were surprised at another finding, too: others are less likely to want to interact with people who’ve slept poorly the night before, which can “aggravate the state of social withdrawal you feel,” Ben Simon says.
A small Swedish study found that sleep-deprived individuals could be perceived as less physically attractive and healthy. Ben Simon notes that without adequate sleep, our voices actually change, becoming flatter and more monotonous. “Emotional behavior is also profoundly affected. Individuals become more easily stressed and there is evidence of an increased tendency to blame others,” she explains.
On the flipside, after a good night’s sleep, because we are better able to regulate our emotions, we’re more compassionate, says Harvard’s Khazan. “On nights when I haven’t got enough sleep, I’ve been irritable with my kids. When I get sufficient sleep, which thankfully now is a lot more of the time, I can calmly say, ‘Okay, one at a time, what do you need?’ It’s much easier to step back and think about a helpful way to respond,” she says.
At work, if you’ve had a good night’s sleep, that translates into stronger connections and improved performance. “Well-rested people are better team players,” says Khazan, whose patients include sleep-deprived executives. “As their sleep improves, they say they’re nicer to their team members. When you make behavioral changes that allow you to sleep better, you will notice a positive effect the very next day,” she adds.
“There is no doubt that if everyone had good quality sleep, the world would be kinder and more compassionate,” says Thrive Global’s Sleep Editor-at-Large Shelly Ibach, the president and CEO of Sleep Number. “You can see the difference deep rest makes at our company, where the team is highly-engaged, mission-driven and genuinely care for one another. We make sleep a priority. Personally, when I’ve slept well (which is most of the time), I have more empathy and I’m happier.”
Ben Simon has learned about the crucial value of good rest from experience. “I had to stay up all night once a week for three months with our study’s participants,” she laughs, “And I could feel my social and emotional functions deteriorating.” Now she practices what she preaches. “I make sure I get close to nine hours sleep a night.”
Sleep is often viewed as something that takes us away from social activity, but, ironically, “sleep is a glue that biologically and psychologically binds us together as a species,” Ben Simon points out. “It reconnects us with our friends, colleagues, partners and even with strangers.”
If you struggle to get your seven to eight hours a night, these tips may help:
1. Stop the mindless scroll
Think about why you’ve been losing sleep and ask yourself whether it was worth the consequences, says Khazan. “Ask yourself, ‘Was I just mindlessly scrolling through stuff on my phone?’” Often people push back sleep to do things like scrolling or watching 20 more minutes of a show, thinking they’re winding down, but achieving the opposite effect.
2. Try this simple breathing exercise
Khazan, who is the author of the new book, Biofeedback and Mindfulness in Everyday Life, suggests trying a breathing exercise called heart rate variability (HRV) biofeedback. “It trains your heart rate to go up as much as possible and then to come down as much as possible. These changes in your heart rate are associated with greater health and resilience,” she says, explaining that the technique “supports good sleep and regulates emotions, including the ability to be more compassionate and empathetic.” Shift your breath down to your belly. Inhale for four seconds and exhale slowly and fully to the count of six seconds. Aim to do it for 10 minutes.
3. Meditate
Like breathing, meditation can help you relax at bedtime, says Khazan, who recommends Chris Germer and Ron Siegel’s guided meditations if you don’t already have a practice. And apps like Calm and Headspace offer specific meditations to help you drift off.
4. Keep your phone out of the bedroom
Both experts emphasize the importance of keeping technology out of the bedroom. “Your phone is the enemy of sleep because it’s a constant reminder of the waking world,” says Ben Simon. “Get into bed when you are sleepy to remind your body that the bed is only intended for sleep (and sex),” says Khazan, who advises against lingering in bed in the morning.
5. Check in with your own tiredness
“Get to know your own sleepiness,” says Ben Simon. “If you’ve watched your favorite TV show at night and are wondering whether to continue to the next episode, take a 10 minute break before you hit play and rest your eyes. If you start to feel sleepy, then you are ready for bed.” Save the show for tomorrow.
4 Simple Ways to Practice Mindfulness, Even if You’re a Total Beginner
These science-backed tricks will help you be more present.
A common misconception about mindfulness is that you need years of practice and skill in order to reap its benefits. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Beginners tend to benefit most from brief (think: less than 10 minutes) mindfulness exercises, Nicholas Watier, Ph.D., a professor in experimental psychology at Brandon University who researches mindfulness, tells Thrive.
With this in mind, how can you practice mindfulness in specific, accessible ways — no matter your experience level? We’ve compiled a few simple exercises to jump-start — or continue — your mindfulness journey (minus the intimidation factor):
Go on a “personal scavenger hunt”
Channel your inner child with this genius mindfulness trick: tracking down unnoticed treasures. A recent New York Times article suggests a tactic from Rob Walker, author of The Art of Noticing: Look for something nobody asked you to find.
This exercise is your personal scavenger hunt. Rather than looking at your phone during down time throughout the day, task yourself instead with finding something new in your environment. Take stock of the people around you. Look for as many red items as possible, for example. Challenge yourself to notice something about your surroundings that you’ve never seen before.
Engage in metaphor-free observation
Think about how you perceive the world around you. Does the lighting in your office feel as though it’s as bright as the sun? Does the air conditioning feel as cold as a wintery day? We tend to link concepts in our minds, comparing one thing we know to another. But by putting one identity on top of another, we are missing a crucial moment to observe something for exactly what it is, Walker explains in The Art of Noticing. This is the underlying concept of “metaphor-free observation,” an exercise first used by the poet Marie Howe, according to Walker.
In order to try it, write down 10 metaphor-free observations about the world around you this week. It seems simple, but this practice highlights the way we are conditioned to automatically see things through the lens of other things. Instead, this trick will help you slow down and see things as they truly are.
Breathe
Breathing is one of the most automatic things we do — but what happens when we actually pay attention to it?
For his mindfulness study, Watier asked participants to get familiar with the instinctive act of breathing. He details a step-by-step set of instructions for Thrive, accessible to even total beginners:
“First, make yourself comfortable in a chair. Begin by noticing how you are sitting in the chair. Notice the places where you are touching the chair. Notice the places where you are touching the floor. Notice where the air is touching your skin and what that feels like. Now gently draw your attention to your breath. Notice — without trying to change it — where your breath is coming from. Notice where your breath enters your body when you inhale, and how it travels through your body before you exhale. Notice how your body moves with each inhalation, and each exhalation. Allow any thoughts or feelings that occur to naturally rise and fall, without trying to hold onto them or get rid of them. Just continue bringing your awareness to your experience in this moment. Continue to notice your breath as you allow whatever comes to come, and whatever goes to go, and whatever stays to stay. Then once again bring your awareness to the room, to the way you are sitting in the chair, where the air is touching your skin, and to your breath.”
Note your emotions
This mindfulness exercise will help you better tune into your feelings. Instead of suppressing them, as you may be in the habit of doing on an especially busy or stressful day, Watier suggests you try listening to them. He asked his own study participants to begin by choosing a poem (he uses Rumi’s “The Guest House”), then focusing their attention inward. You can do the same by following his instructions:
“First, make yourself comfortable in a chair. Take a few moments to notice your breathing. Close your eyes, and focus on your breath, noticing how breath travels into your body, through your body, and back out of your body, noticing any tension in your body, and gently letting it go. Spend a few moments just focusing your attention on your breath. Then read your poem and notice any reactions to the poem that arise.”
You can try this practice with Rumi’s poem or with any other one you like. What matters more than the poem you choose is how you will improve your ability to tap into your emotion and truly listen to your mind.
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Empathy Is a Superpower in the Workplace — Here’s How to Use It Right
A Stanford psychology professor explains the importance of kindness.
Clear-headed leadership. Dedicated employees. A strong company culture. These are undeniable attributes of a thriving workplace. So is another factor: empathy. While soft skills are often considered less important than efficiency or professionalism to a company’s success, that common misconception can be detrimental to company culture, where being able to understand and have compassion for other people’s emotions is integral to working efficiently together and keeping up workplace morale. In fact, over 80% of CEOs in a recent survey named empathy as a key to corporate success. Even Tim Cook understands the importance of this value, stating in his commencement address to the MIT Class of 2017 that the young graduates should be wary of people who try to keep empathy out of the workplace.
With that in mind, here are four expert-backed tips for integrating more empathy into your company culture.
Listen to the quiet majority. “Oftentimes, the loudest voices in our culture are not the kindest — think playground bullies and cable news pundits,” Jamil Zaki Ph.D., professor of psychology at Stanford University and author of the recent book The War for Kindness, tells Thrive. Therefore, when these loud perspectives take up most of the air in a room, it’s easy to believe that they are in line with the majority, and thus feel compelled to follow their lead. Zaki believes that in order to combat this phenomenon, leaders must make space to give quieter voices a chance to be heard, whether in meetings or beyond. “By creating a culture of psychological safety, you give kindness a chance to flourish,” he says.
Establish company norms. Leaders might also be able to foster empathy in the workplace by publicly naming it as an important value held by the organization, University of Pittsburgh psychology professor Karina Schumann Ph.D., suggests to Thrive. She suggests incorporating the value of empathy into your company’s mission statement, your training practices, or your professional development meetings, if not all of the above. Thrive’s core value of compassionate directness encourages empathy while raising opportunities to course correct.
Empower kind leaders. Every organization has what Zaki calls “kindness leaders” — people who tend to be generous, connected to others, and well-regarded by their co-workers. Even though they may not be the most powerful or visible colleagues, “they can be the ‘glue people’ who hold an organization together,” Zaki tells Thrive. If you want to foster a more empathetic workplace, try supporting and empowering these “kindness leaders,” and see how their positive attitudes lead to greater cultural change.
Lead by example. Finally, leaders might be able to foster empathy in the workplace by modeling it in their own behavior, Schumann tells Thrive. For example, they can practice empathic listening when interacting with their employees, which Schumann says involves avoiding interruptions and “seeking to truly understand their employee’s feelings and perspective.” When leaders model empathetic behavior, they set the tone for the work environment — and their employees will likely follow suit.
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